While on a family vacation (details and pic's to follow), I had an opportunity to spend an hour or so alone with Eric, my five month old son. We had enjoyed a nap together earlier that day, so it was a nice suprise, when the opportunity arose again so soon. While Dad took the kids swimming again, Eric and I nursed, and rocked, and then he started to drift off to sleep. As I walked around the room, I decided it would be nice to have some music. Since we had no Wi-fi, and I had already listened to my regular playlist in the car over and over again, I decided to put on the EFY list I had created. (Especially for Youth - week long retreats for Young adults put on by BYU - Brigham Young University - and they always have music as a focus, so every year they put out a CD with the songs on it.)
As we slow danced around the room, one of my favorite songs came on. "I Know that My Redeemer Lives". This has always been one of my favorite hymns. As I sang along, I started to feel my heart grow very tender, and my eyes starting to water. I could really feel the Spirit, and I was reminded of how much I really do love the Savior. With nine kids, homeschooling, and a husband that is Bishop, we have a pretty busy household. Even though I read scriptures daily (well, pretty close anyways), and say a multitude of prayers everyday (family, meals, in my head as I go through the day, with kids at bedtime, etc), I have gotten distracted. My testimony has always been, and continues to be strong. However, when I study lately, I have only been studying for a purpose. I am usually preparing a lesson of some kind - seminary, RS, Primary, FHE, etc. I do learn while studying, and I do feel the Spirit while teaching, but it is not the same as studying and praying just to do it. Just to draw close, just to feel the Spirit, just to learn more about Him.
I love doing those things!! I always have, and I hope I always will. But let's face it. Life happens. You get into a routine, or a rut, and you find yourself, just trying to survive the day. You find yourself doing those things, because they are important to you, because you need to, because you are supposed to, and even a little because you know they bring you joy - but you forget to feel it. I mean REALLY feel it. To take a few minutes to really feel how important this knowledge is to you, to really feel what the Savior did for you, to really feel how special it is that you can talk to him through prayer, to really feel how amazing it is, that you were able to find the Church, and gain a testimony, to really feel just how much you love Him, and really feel how much He loves you.
But for those few moments, I REALLY felt it. It came back to me. Why I do every thing I do. Why I teach my children the things I do, why I support my husband in his callings, and pray for my son to serve a mission. Why I read my scriptures, and say my prayers. I know all these things, and I hope you do too. For a few moments as I stood there with my little man snuggling on my shoulder, swaying and singing to him, I could feel why I do those things. I am grateful for the reminder, and I am going to make that a priority - to gain and keep that feeling. To stop being so distracted. To enjoy the Gospel a little more. To enjoy my scripture study, and look forward to and enjoy praying. And I hope you will too!!!