I was just re-reading my last post, about getting ready to go to Time Out for Women. It is hard to believe that it has been that long since I have posted! It is now May already! So much has happened since then... Maybe a quick update post would be a good place to start.
Shortly after that Conference, I found out I was expecting again!! This will be our tenth child! If it is a boy, we will be tied up at five girls, and five boys. After three girls in a row, then Eric, I am thinking that it will be a boy, so he can have a little partner. I can't wait! It is such an amazing experience!
I was enjoying the baby moving around the other day, and the thought of how fortunate I was to be feeling this once again, washed over me. I cannot honestly imagine, only being able to experience this a couple times. It has been such a privilege to be able to enjoy ten pregnancies. To see that line appear on the pregnancy test, to hear the heartbeat for the first time, to feel those first few faint flutters. All of those things are just amazing!!
As I am typing this, the baby is moving all around, and my body is having those early warm and fuzzy, practice birthing waves (contractions). My one year old is curled up next to me in bed, looking like an angel sleeping peacefully. My other children are all tucked into their beds and fast asleep as well. Is there anything so serene as the peace you feel at the end of the day, when all your children are sleeping in their beds, all at home? I know my time enjoying that, is coming to a close, as the oldest ones will be moving on shortly, so I am trying to savor each moment I have it still.
They are only ours for such a short time. One of the benefits of having a large family, to me anyways, is that you have the chance to learn some important things as your first kids grow older, and then put into practice those lessons as the younger ones arrive. I used to wish and wait for all those milestones that seem so all-encompassing with your first one or two. Sleeping through the night, crawling, walking, talking, etc. Those things are so much fun to witness, but they do not hold with them, the enormity that they once did. All the moments in between are cherished just as much, if not a little more. The way they feel as they snuggle against you sleeping, the looks that they give as they discover new things, their little hand in yours as they go down a step. Those are the daily moments that I look forward to.
The essence (at least I feel) of mothering, is not in the giant moments, but in all the little ones that are in between. I can't tell you how many times when I was a young mother, that people tried to tell me, to slow down, and enjoy it. I tried to humor them, and even follow that advice, but in the back of my mind I was always thinking - "As soon as we get to (a few milestones later), then I will be able to relax and enjoy it". I understand what they meant now. I do enjoy my younger ones, a lot more. There is less stress, less anxiety, less of my self worth wrapped up in what age they are when they do certain things. I am able to enjoy them for being them. I am able to cherish each moment.
Don't get me wrong. I love my older ones. We had so much fun together. Life was so much simpler. It was just them and me, home all day together. I look back with such fond memories. I watch old home movies, and laugh and smile, and am filled with a sense of awe and amazement at those early days. I have learned so much from them. I just wish, in retrospect, I had savored those moments more. They are so fleeting.