In my head, I have written about a thousand posts for this blog. Unfortunately, that is where they have stayed. Well thought out, well intentioned, but never actually typed out. Why? Some were victims of procrastination, laptop problems, or babies crying, but most were due to the simple fact, that I felt they weren't the 'right' post to jump back in with. I felt that since it had been awhile since my last post, I needed a great 'catch-up' post to start with, and then I could start posting all my random thoughts.
However, now an entire year has passed, and instead of looking back through a bunch of cute, quirky posts, I have nothing. Perfectionism, has struck again. How often do we have great ideas, but don't act on them, as they aren't 'perfected' yet? Or, we aren't worried about them being perfect, but they just don't line up with how we think they should be done?
I am currently working my way through a study course on Great Education, as well as one on some classic books. Due to some computer problems/family challenges, I missed the first month and a half of the classics, and was interrupted in the education one. Once able to jump back in however, I hesitated. Should I start at the beginning, or jump in current? After debating this, for the last six weeks, yet finding no time to actually catch up, I finally asked which would be better. I was instead asked a question back. "If you could catch up, wouldn't you have already?"
Yes, yes I would have. However, I didn't want to recognize my current limitations, accept them, and then move forward doing my best. No, I stayed where I was, stuck. Not being able to move forward, yet not able to go back and fix anything either. There is nothing wrong with wanting to excel at what we do, the problem comes when we get so concerned about doing it 'right', that we don't actually 'do' anything!! Sometimes, in the words of a mentor friend, we just need to "ready, fire, aim". Sometimes, actually most times, things are figured out as we work through them. If we always waited for all the traffic lights to be green, from home to our destination, we would never get where we want to go. Yet, we constantly do this in our personal lives.
I am making a new commitment to myself, that though I will always be a planner, and a list writer, I will no longer let fear of it not being 'right' or 'perfect' hold me back from accomplishing things. And this this time next year, I will be able to look back and read a years' worth of (hopefully) cute and quirky stories and memories.
*quote was from Rachel DeMille and the classes I am taking can be found at www.tjed.org